Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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