Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
