I need help removing her.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
