actually, I'm a sock model
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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