I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize