WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
