Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
