She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
