youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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