those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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