Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
