so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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