I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
