I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think a kid would responsible me up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
