After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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