Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
