So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
