It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
