i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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