whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
