i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
