I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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