I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
