Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
