hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
