can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
