thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
