just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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