we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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