i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
