OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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