I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize