apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
