I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
