There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
