I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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