After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
