pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
