the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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