Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
