I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
