Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
