i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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