3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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