I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
