You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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