Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Randomize
