3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
