just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize