We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
