just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
