wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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