I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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