Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
