I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
