The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
