We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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