wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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