you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
