it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
