Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have aggressive nipples.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
