He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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