I think my fart just growled at me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm at about main and main street
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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