I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
