If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
