I want to have your abortion
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
