Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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