pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
