Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize