I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
