arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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