and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if only i could text you this smell
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
