fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
