I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
